omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
