She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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