Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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