she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
