is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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