Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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