hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
