Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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