FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
