I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
