Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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