I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
