HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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