waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
