I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
