we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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