The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
