if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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