Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
