My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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