She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
