Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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