Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
