biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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