I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
