Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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