so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
