So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sober January is a disaster.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
