She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
