I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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