Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
