She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
