i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
