where does the pee come out of this thing
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
