Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
