i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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