Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
