i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
