Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
