Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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