Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
