Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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