there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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