Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
