I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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