So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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