Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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