Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
