He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
