Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
