our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
